what i needed was a change.

I am lonely.

This was a choice.

“You’re too old to have a BFF, anyway.” ~ my MIL

Job Change —> Priorities Changed —> Time Use Changed —> Stepped Away.

That doesn’t mean I don’t think about her every day.  But when I message her to ask how she is, the last three responses have been, “Fine.”

Okay.

+++

The thing is… I chose this.  I pined for loneliness.  And when the thought crosses my mind, when I wake up from a dream where I was picking new friends (how very ninth grade of me), I smile through that sad feeling.

There could be something wrong with me. I enjoy this feeling.  Fucked up.  And rather apropos.

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